Last Resort
by OhBassy
Summary: Ciel attempts suicide after his mother's death and Sebastian becomes his therapist. SebaCiel, Yaoi, depressing themes. AU/OOC
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: okay so I don't even know where the hell this came from… I know the plot is a bit…used… I guess… well more like the basic idea…. But anyway this is my first fanfic and I truly hope I'll be able to finish it and update it regularly and all that jazz… aspects of this are based on myself but just barely… oh and my computer sucks dick majorly… so fucking slow -.- so sometimes it doesn't exactly let me do anything… bleh so anyway on with the show!**

**Disclaimer: and of course I don't own Black Butler. I'm just the typical girl oogling at Sebastian…**

"Ciel. Ciel!"

"Yeah?" I mumbled as I lifted my head to look at my adoptive mother who had just dragged me from my thoughts.

"What's up with you lately?" I gave a humorless laugh at this.

"Did you really just say that? How the hell do you know I'm not like this all the time? I've been here what? Two months? My mom just died. You realize that right?" I replied. I hate it here. Why can't it just end? I'm sick and tired of all of this… I just can't do it anymore…

"You're going to have to get over it eventually, life goes on." She stated. How can she say that like it's nothing? She still has her parents; she still has people who care about her. Life goes on? I sure wish it didn't…

I stand up from the table and glare at her before making my way to the stairs and up to my room and closing the door. I can't do this. I can't pretend I'm ok. I can't keep living like this… I can't keep living. I walk over to my desk and sit down. I turn on my iPod that's already connected to my speakers and Last Resort by Papa Roach starts to play. Oh the irony, I can't help but chuckle… I bring up my email on my computer and start a new email, selecting Claude and Alois from my address book before starting what will be the last email I ever send.

_I can't keep doing this, guys… I'm not strong enough and I can't keep pretending I am… There's no one left who cares. I know you say you do but I can't help but think you would be better without me here to get in the way… But before I go I want to say a few things.  
Alois- You've always been like a brother to me and I love you like the brother I never had… Bye, Bro.  
Claude- Please look after Alois and make sure he doesn't get into trouble or god forbid try to join me…  
Well it's time for me to go now, I hope to see you soon… Just you know not to soon… Please don't cry for me… I'm not worth it.  
With all my love for the last time,  
Ciel_

I hit send before grabbing the pocket knife from my desk drawer and slicing into my right wrist repeatedly. I kiss the ring my mother gave me on my right hand thumb one last time.

"I'll see you soon, Mom." I whisper before everything goes black…

_**A/N: Okay so next chapter we'll meet Sebastian… maybe :P Ciel and Alois are 18 and still in highschool and Claude is 19. I'm not sure how old to make Sebastian… ok so this was more to set up the story… it will get pretty hot (I hope, I've never written boy on boy before…) please leave me a review telling what you think!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: ok so here's the next chapter of Last Resort! Please R&R!**

Why does my arm hurt? I frowned, aren't you supposed to be unable to feel pain when you're dead? That's when I smelled that god awful smell that could only belong to one place and brings up so many terrible memories…

My eyes snapped open and I looked around. No, just no. Why? Why am I still alive? I shook my head from side to side, this can't be happening! I notice a raven haired male sitting beside my bed and looking over what I assume is a file about me. I open my mouth to ask just who the fuck he is but I'm cut off when the door slams open and Alois runs towards me so fast he's practically a blur.

"Ciel! Oh thank god, you're alive!" he says so fast I can barely make out the words as he reaches my bedside.

"I disagree," I mumble. He looks at me with such sadness in his icy blue eyes and I look away. I notice the raven haired male looking at me and see that he has red eyes which seem to be staring at my soul so I stare up at the ceiling.

"Oh, Ciel, don't say that…" Alois says with such sadness in his voice. "I thought you were doing better, why didn't you say anything to me?" he says as he leans down and hugs me a bit too tight.

"Alois, you're squeezing me too tight," I say and he loosens his grip a bit. "I didn't tell you because it isn't your problem," I say simply and he looks up at me with tears in his eyes.

"Don't you dare say that, Ciel. Of course it is, I love you like a brother! I can't lose you like I lost Luka." A tear slips down his cheek and he quickly wipes it away. Luka was Alois' little brother who died a few years ago. I rack my brain for something to say but thankfully Claude comes through the door.

"Damn you're fast, Alois." I hear him mutter under his breath. "How are you, Ciel?" he asks me.

"I could be better…" …_if I was dead_, I finish in my head. I hear someone clear their throat and I turn and look at the red eyed man.

"Visiting hours are over, you will have to come back tomorrow." He says in a surprisingly deep voice and Alois reluctantly lets me go.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ciel. I love you." He says as he looks down at me.

"Goodbye," Claude says simply before walking out the door with Alois and closing the door behind them. I let out a sigh and turn to the raven-haired man.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"Sebastian Michaelis, I'm your Psychologist." I groan at this.

"And what if I don't want a Psychologist?"

"I'm sorry but you have no choice in the matter, Mr. Phantomhive." He says all matter of fact and shit.

"Ugh, don't call me that. My name is Ciel."

"Alright, Ciel, why did you attempt to end your life?"

"Because it's fucked up. Because there's no one left to care other than Alois who would probably be better off."

"And what makes you say that?" he asks and I roll my eyes.

"Because it's true." I reply and roll over, turning my back on the man. "I don't want to talk anymore."

"Very well but you will have to talk to me eventually." He says and leaves the room.

Why did all of this have to happen? Why did you have to be taken away from me, Mom? Why did the only person who's truly been there for me all my life have to die? The tears start coming and I can't stop them. A few minutes later I slip into the blissful darkness.

**A/N: alright this is way over do and I am truly sorry… My computer sucks and I have been quite sure what to write… I apologize for any mistakes…. And for the suckishness… Thank you to those who have favorite and alerted and reviewed! Please leave me a review and tell me what you think! And once again I'm sorry his is so late and suckish and short...**


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